Pink Heaven

Today I am moody
Thursday, December 21, 2006

Year 2006 is going to end soon; lots of people will do some kind of evaluation on themselves, what they have achieved and what they didn’t in this year. I never have the habit of doing evaluation at the end of each year, because I do it almost every month ^_^.
However this year is a really “happening year” for me and I decided to take a few days to LOOK at these “happenings” throughout the year sometime next week. I don’t really like the evaluation because I know I will be very emotional and discouraged over things that do not happen according to my expectation (lots to learn here…)

As I was clean up my desk & room to welcome year 2007, I was some really old notes, diary, writing, etc… I usually recycle whatever I can, throw away those useless notes and keep those I think I will still want to keep..
Suddenly I feel difficult to breath, hand shaking, mind blank out… some old old stuff brought me back to my nightmare, those time that I wish never exist in my life and I the people I wish I never know.. I do not know what should I do with those notes, continue to keep them so that I remember I had a hard time and had met some “good” people? Or throw it away so that I will never be reminded again the following year when I do cleaning…

I pause for a short while, then took a good look at those writing, remember those faces I wish to forget… after that I decided I should throw them away… It is not a very hard decision to make.. after that, I tell myself, I have to live without being haunted by those nightmare .. I hope by throwing those notes, I can also throw away my fear, anger, grief..

The biggest lesson I have to learn in my whole life is FORGIVENESS. I have forgiven them once, twice, …N times, but I still have to continue to forgive. This is very hard… to love your enemy…
Father God, teach me today how to forgive and help me to forget…

| 11:21 PM | 1 Comment(s)

Comments:

wah, your writing is really good. Make I wonder and curious what are you talking about. haha. your writing seeml like you were meeting ghost before.

I never did evaluation for last year or planning for next year because I feel it is so hard to face the future. Just walking my life day by day with a single direction is good enough for me.

hehe, good to read your blogging. Ya, bible teach us how to put "arang" on top of enemy head. remember? haha.

# posted by

Sok Chuan : 11:46 PM