Don't feel good today
Today I decided to spend time with mum and dad because I have not donethat for a very long time.. heheh.. so feel a bit guilty :) Woke up in the morning, felt very down and lazy... Really don't feel like doing anything. But finally I went to my parent's house and went shopping with mum til 3 pm.
Lepak ( Sit around) at home until 6+, I left and went for a surprise Birthday dinner. Felt not normal today.. really really really feel down ...
Don;t feel like going home , don't feel like sleeping, felt going to pub and have a drink with friends. Hahah ... but I cannot have anyone to go out with me. At this moment only I know the number of friends I have.. lesser than the fingers I have...
Still awake now (1am) trying not to sleep because I donot want to sleep....
Laat time, when I feel down, I go will go sleep immediately, becuase I know I will be better once I woke up. But now, I don't even want to sleep. HMmm ... why ???
Was corrected by my colleague that it's not kutu, it's PEPIJAT.
Wookie... learnt a new word... pepijat Something I wrote sometime ago elsewhere ...
Have I not told you don't do that ?
Have I not warned you be careful of this?
Have I not?
Now you understand why I told you so
Now you are aware of the danger
Now you see
The joy that you are expecting cannot last
The pain that you overlooked is taking place
Day after day
Night after night
Nothing seems interesting
Nothing caught your attention
Where is the boldness in you?
Where is the smile on your face?
You are now so paralyzed to move on
You cannot recognise the face when you look into the mirror
You still look the same from outside
But what's happening within you that caused the change?
so it's STRESSED!!!!!
Since Saturday 4pm i received calls from Philippine that one of out system is not functioning well.... and that's the beginning. It was "OK" at 8pm but then right after that, it was reported that there's bigger problem than that ...
Struggle through the whole night until 2 am.. have done what I can... go to sleep...
Went to office at 9 am on Sunday... (I should be attending class in church)
"Arrggghhhh. Well ... stop complaining and get the problem solved should be my ultimate goal" - voice of the left brain
" *sob sob*, where shall I look to for solution?. Better to die than to be alive" - voice of the right brain ...
I took a "pil" from my angle and it's Psalm 46: God is our refuge ans strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
I cried out to God... help me oh Lord to come out with creative solution....
but there's no peace in my heart... I see my problem bigger than what I can bear, but God said he will not crush us....
Suddenly I remember the time I had a few years ago in Penang while trying to solve problem which I have no idea at all also ... Back then, I was more fortunate to have people around me to support and encourage me, we work together, cry together to work out the best we can... In comparison, today I'm more stretched, I have to learn to face the problem alone... "Alone"?? It's a vey scary thing to be alone, to think of being alone...
Finally, on Wednesday, all the system were ready for packing... such a relief, but actually a lot more work is needed in order to see themin fully working condition. But at least, now I can concentrate in doing the touch up....
Reaching out though SMS
The ultimate SMS reached me on Thursday night while I was trying to solve a seriuos problem in office at 9pm.
"My purpose in life is to help people make money, how about you? Let's share. - from Razali, your CIMB wealth advisor"
Oh no!!! When is he going to stop it? OK. Finally I replied him for the 1st time:
"My purpose in life is to bring everyone to know Jesus. Do you want to follow me to church this Sunday?"
Then he still not giving up, SMS and ask about my occupation, name & etc ....
I really have no time and energy to entertain him and I thnk this way of pertending he know me is super "unprofessional"... When I have more time and extra phone credit, I will SMS him everyday bible verses.... My opportunity to reach out through SMS...
Petrol Station Story - update
Finally I met up with Zul few days ago. Oh.. didn't expect he is at his middle age. He can speak fluent English :) So I thought he might be a handsome young guy :) hahhahaha
He is very nice ... explained to me again the pump has problem and apologise. And then he gave me 2 bag of "gift" trying to bribe me .. hahahaha
or my colleague said that the worth of my "credibility and reputation"
OK. Finally I consider this case closed ....
Gift from my Angel ....
Hahah ... what gift is that? A bottle of pills??
It's labelled "Yahwey Rapha Clinic"
Prescription: 1 tablet, 1 time daily, when necessary
For: sadness, anger, depression, loniness, strength, comfort, love, anxiety, peace, joy, lack of faith, lack of patient, confusion, fear, stress
Each capsule contains a piece of paper rolled up. Full of encouragement.
I was really surprised receiving such a special gift.
Thank you angel...
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. - ISA 12:2
problem is ... I never like to wait
I don't like to go to bank because I have to wait...
I don't like to go to government department because I have to wait again ..
I don't like to go to pay bills at pos office because I have to wait...
I know I need patient. But for a person like me, how is it possible?
I think only God can do it.....
Last time we can see the worker sweeping the sand and rubbish near the road side under the hot sun. But that day I saw them carrying a blower, walking by the road blowing the rubbish and sand. I was wandering, how does that clean the road? They are just blowing the rubbish from the edge of the road to somewhere else...
It's just a very normal scene nowdays. But it was in my mind for 2 days.. just feel like there's something to ponder on.
Finally, I asked myself this question.... did I also do what teh worker did? Just take a blower and try to blow away things that I do not want to see or know or hear?
I felt like over the years, I have been blowing on myself, thinking I'll be OK after that. However the fact is that, I was just blowing them from 1 corner of my heart to another corner, from 1 part of my mind to another part... hoping it will just disappear....
How foolish am I...
** My Absolute Pink Album @ Flickr
* Shopping using other's money
* A lovely Home